remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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