If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
