Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
