My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
