Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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