you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
