So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How's work?
Spinning.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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