I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
