UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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