There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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