Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
