So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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