she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
whose parrot is this?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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