I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
