Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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