Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
