dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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