Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
