Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
