I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
