she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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