if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
