Already got asked if we're dating
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
