I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
