Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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