Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize