I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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