i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
