Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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