mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
