you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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