if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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