I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize