We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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