fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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