She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
