You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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