Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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