it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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