i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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