You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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