were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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