I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
