your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
