1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
