She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
