I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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