Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
