420 ftw
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
