Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
