omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize