update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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