dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
